This is why I say a persons sexual history matters.

General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

Yesterday, 07:40 PM	? #2 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 2,224	Women have issues, regardless of how many times they got laid. It's your choice in the end, but bear in mind there are women of quality out there who are actually more mature, intelligent, and wiser than the younger or more 'innocent' crowd, due to their experiences with men not despite them. The ironic thing is that I was the one in the relationship always trying to sabotage everything because yes -> I was not used to vulnerability and long term commitments. My wife however, who ironically has a more extensive past, was the patient one and although we had problems, she was always passionate and never gave up. She was the one ready for marriage, I was the one who wasn't. That's what it comes down to -> you can't always blame a woman's past for everything she does in the present.
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Yesterday, 08:04 PM	? #5 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Caribbean Region Posts: 1,335	I think what the OP [ Falcon king ] is saying is that this woman originally hid her past. She outright LIED to him because she knew her emotional state. If the OP knew that she was a serial cheater, he would not have invested much time in the relationship with her. If they were both just looking for a " good time", then he would not have been disappointed in the end. The main reason women hide their past IMO, is not so much of the fear of being judged wrongfully, but because they are ashamed of it. Ok so lets take another look at this. Op meets this woman in a book store,and they instantly click and begin to talk. They talk about stuff like kife , philosophy etc. There is chemistry. Lady then decides to tell OP some of her life story and OP tells her his. Lady tells OP that she wants to be honest with him and tells him the TRUTH. OP decides he really likes this woman and sees a future with her based on what she has told him, and her HONESTY. Op knows what to look out for and so they start a relationship on the firm , sound foundation of TRUST and TRUTH. This is what people look for in a relationship. __________________ A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand. Bertrand Russell
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Yesterday, 08:29 PM	? #7 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 72	To an extent, it does have an impact. My first relationship was when I was 18. I lost my virginity to him right before i turned 19. I thought he was "the one" (omg I was an IDIOT) but later found out that I was one of many females he was seeing. There was absolutely nothing special between us. It was all a lie. I ended up pregnant before finding out. I was SO devastated by that because I was ALWAYS the one turning guys down left and right and the FIRST guy I slept with lied to me about pretty much everything he ever told me, got me pregnant, and left....So when I met my husband we had serious issues in the beginning. I was slightly..... a lunatic. I don't even know how he stuck with me. I snooped through his stuff constantly, put a key logger on his computer, manipulated and twisted his words to make a mountain out of a molehill, you name it. I even slapped him once because he put cologne on to go to a carwash. INSANE, I know. But that was totally influenced by my past. Now, most guys would RUN RUN RUN from that behavior (rightfully so, I might add).... but my husband took my past into consideration and hoped and prayed it would change.....and it totally did. I am absolutely nothing like I was when we first hooked up as far as jealousy and insecurity goes. He could have said I wasn't a good fit for him.... but so glad he took the chance because we are perfect for each other..... Likewise, he had always been in a serious relationship. Usually I would look at guys like this as people who just constantly need to need someone and need to be needed by someone. I watched my brother run through gf after gf, and all of them were "the one". I always thought that would make me feel like I was "just another one". Glad I didn't feed into those assumptions.....
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Yesterday, 10:09 PM	? #9 (permalink)
Forum Supporter ? Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: USA Posts: 5,131	Quote: To an extent, it does have an impact. My first relationship was when I was 18. I lost my virginity to him right before i turned 19. I thought he was "the one" (omg I was an IDIOT) but later found out that I was one of many females he was seeing. There was absolutely nothing special between us. It was all a lie. I ended up pregnant before finding out. I was SO devastated by that because I was ALWAYS the one turning guys down left and right and the FIRST guy I slept with lied to me about pretty much everything he ever told me, got me pregnant, and left....So when I met my husband we had serious issues in the beginning. I was slightly..... a lunatic. I don't even know how he stuck with me. I snooped through his stuff constantly, put a key logger on his computer, manipulated and twisted his words to make a mountain out of a molehill, you name it. I even slapped him once because he put cologne on to go to a carwash. INSANE, I know. But that was totally influenced by my past. Now, most guys would RUN RUN RUN from that behavior (rightfully so, I might add).... but my husband took my past into consideration and hoped and prayed it would change.....and it totally did. I am absolutely nothing like I was when we first hooked up as far as jealousy and insecurity goes. He could have said I wasn't a good fit for him.... but so glad he took the chance because we are perfect for each other..... Love your story, your husband saw the whole picture... he knew what he was up against and he saw faith & promise in you., bound & determined to NOT give up on you..... your heart was in the right place with that BF -he knew that too, how utterly devestated you were ..... Your love story makes me think of this song ... she had a really tough time, deep heartbreak ... but he was there, not going anywhere, wanted to be her lover, be her best friend... catch her every fall. I wanna be there- blessed union of souls - YouTube
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Yesterday, 10:30 PM	? #10 (permalink)
Forum Supporter ? Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: USA Posts: 5,131	Quote: FalconKing said : But how do you know unless you ask those questions. People's behavior is a product of many things. Past decisions is one of them. I want someone that I can ask any question to and not have it be off limits. This IS me 100% - deal breaker #1. Anyone who refuses to vulnerably talk about their past would never work with me. I really am not someone who expects perfection at all , life is full of Grays.... people are human , we screw up, make bad decisions in a moment, some are more immature than others in their youth.... then they grow up, mature and have MORE conviction than anyone around them against NOT doing what they did !! This is absolutely HUGE!! So my aim would be to uncover where their is NOW, where it has traveled.... what they have gleaned along the way in light of their various experiences....or smooth sailing. Most importantly I would want their heartfelt honesty. The same values ....absolutely....but that doesn't mean we have to come from the same side of the fence. I believe genuine LOVE can conquer near anything ... including one's past.
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